Perhaps
by Tylida Doradelo
Summary: Gaignun wonders just what it is about Jr. that has him feeling the way he does. Oneshot.


A/N: This is a random fluff oneshot that interrupted me in the middle of a chapter. XD I just couldn't get it out of my head so I had to write it down. The idea of this story is how Gaignun secretly feels about Jr. Or really him wondering exactly what it is about Jr. that has him feeling the way he does. It is from Gaignun's POV and it's was a little strange to write, but whatever. It's done. C: Enjoy or don't..but I hope you do. XD

I do not own Xenosaga or its delicious characters which is sad 'cus I'm kinda hungry...

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**_Perhaps_**

Perhaps it is the way the light hits him. Artificial sunset illuminating the perfect droplets of water sprinkled delicately over his skin as if placed carefully by the most patient of painters. They adorn him flawlessly and endlessly. In his red hair darkened by the water of the beach and on his eternally young chest and arms they are spread. The sparkling orbs pale in comparison to the sparkle in his eyes as he laughs. He sloshes his way out of the water as if it is tiresome, but immediately he's running. To what I don't know. It's possible even he doesn't know until he gets there, lost in his fun.

Perhaps it is the mischevious way he grins as he sneaks up behind Mary to pull the strings on her bikini or the victory in his laugh when she squeals out "Little Master!" before tying it back and chasing him into the water he emerged from. He dives back into the waves and swims away from the young woman into the depths of the sea smoothly. It's hard to imagine another time I've seen him so happy. Truly happy.

Perhaps it is the fluidity in his small body as he moves. No matter what he is doing I can't help but watch him. I watch him so closely that it earns me the title of worried father. Shelley knows better, however. I haven't touched the paperwork I brought here so that I could still get it all done and appease Jr. at the same time. She's smiling elegantly at me. Perhaps I should tell her. She must already know...

Perhaps it is his voice. A simple shift in tone has me all to ready to submit to his wishes at an instant. The sarcasm never leaves his voice. It's ever present; a piece of him. Maybe it is his speech itself. Even in front of people whom we should respect or admire he bluntly speaks what's on his mind. No word ever hangs on his tongue, no thought is ever unspoken. Jr.'s speech requires understanding. I'm glad I know most of the language.

Perhaps it is his confidence. In the way he stands; hip cocked to the side, back straight. In the way he carries himself. He commands attention in his every step. I am not the only one who can not help but look. The very smirk on his lips as he begins to shape nonsense into reason. It could be the most ridiculous string of words ever uttered in our language. Yet...is it strange how I simply can't help but smile?

Perhaps it is the look in his eyes. The way they glow in his happiness. The way the sparkle with the amazingly pleasant sound of his harsh laughter. The way they mock me day in and day out, even in sleep they criticize my very dreams. It could be the fire behind them when he is angry. Fire in a sea of blue. Such a dangerous sight but it is beyond beautiful. Perhaps there is something wrong with me.

Perhaps it is the passion he embodies. No movement he makes is without passion. The way he objects in the middle of a buisness meeting he is physically too young to be a part of when his beliefs are challenged by technologies determined to eliminate the purity of human creation. He surprises everyone constantly. His intelligence is something unseen by the world until the fire builds up to burn away the water. When the Dragon takes a stand everything bows in his wake.

Perhaps it is the way he is affectionate. A harsh word or a violent action could easily be mistaken for rude by most. An obscenity in place of the always used thank you or the misplaced jeer or two when he's vulnerable. That is the only time he is ever truly serious. Jr. doesn't like vulnerability. I take a strange sort of pleasure to be one of the only people he can turn to when something is lying heavily on his heart. Is that something I should feel or is it something I shouldn't?

Perhaps it is the connection we have that no others do. The ability to read, to relate, to understand in ways no other true human could. It's possibly the waves of his mind that make him so addictive.

Perhaps it is the way he's so eager to pull me away from the businessman's lifestyle. He grabs my hand with his small one and tugs at my arm like a begging child. "Dammit Gaignun, let's go." He whines. How can I resist that?

That's how I got here in the first place. I've never been one for water. I take no joy in swimming myself, but it is worth it. Abandoning the desk of the Durandal is something I rarely do even for the most precious being in my life. This scene is irreplaceable however. If I had realized what I was missing it is possible I would skip work more often. The thought makes me laugh. Jr. stops in his swimming, momentarily distracted by me it would seem. I hadn't realized my laughter was aloud. He yells something and points to me. It's some victorious cry probably proclaiming that I should get out more and have fun. He's bouncing in the sea, jumping up and down. I can hear him shouting but I can't make out the words. From the shape of his lips I can tell it's my name. He's trying to form a link, but to tease him I block it off. In an instant his face goes from victorious to almost competitive as he dives back into the water to swim to shore. To me.

Mary finally catches him though. She yells and pulls him out of the water. It's far to deep for him to stand but Mary has no problem as she stands firmly in the blue waves and lifts his small body from the water. He thrashes and curses, but Mary's accustomed to the sound of his voice. She holds him tightly under one arm and makes her way back. Shelley laughs softly at the sight. He's pointing at me again. Ever determined to make a moot point. Perhaps it's his persistence. He's free now. How he broke away I'm unsure of but he's running again. Mary simply shrugs, a smile on her pretty lips. He's got that look. The one that means I'm in for it. I look away, pretending to be interested in completely uninteresting paper.

"Gaignun!" he's yelling. I'm still intent on ignoring him. He's still determined to prove an inprovable point. That's my Jr. He's reached me. I can feel him tugging on my bare arm. He had coaxed me into a bathing suit despite the fact that I haven't moved from this chair. He's laughing at me. He's claiming that I'm having fun and that I'm stupid for not coming earlier. I hang on every word. On every sentence as if I were fading and they were my life force. He's oblivious though. He always is.

Perhaps I like it that way. It's possible that I enjoy the purity in our interactions. It's better than the emotional stress confessing and being rejected causes. I've never experienced rejection. I don't want to start now. He's smiling. It's genuine.

"Gaignun, come play with me for a little bit. Are you just going to sit here and do work? It's the fucking beach! Let's have some damn fun. Come on!"

I reply with a no and his face drops a bit. "Gaignun, you motherfucking..."

He's ranting now. He's turning nonsense into reason. I love it. Every minute. Finally he stops. He glares at me. Fire in an ocean. I give in with a dramatic sigh and a defeatist attitude but he accepts it gladly. He takes my hand and starts pulling me toward the water.

Perhaps it is him. Perhaps it is his very existence that is forcing me into a realm I've never been in before. Perhaps it is his very being that makes me desire him in a way that is absolutely taboo. Perhaps it is the way he smiles at me that has me craving him like no drug. He laughs and pulls me harder, forcing my feet into cold salt water. I don't mind though, not really. I complain a little just to aggravate him. It works. I laugh and his ranting ends.

Perhaps there's really no reason or explanation.

Perhaps it is a simple and natural occurrence; this love.

"Gaignun, let's go!"

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A/N; Sorry, just an urge. XD That was sort of fun to write though. Hope my urge didn't suck too bad. Reviews are my muse so inspire it up people. C:


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